Do You Fight With Your Hair Every Day? I’ve Got A Story For You
Do you struggle with your hair pretty much every day? Do you find yourself looking at Cheryl Cole or some other lovely person on the telly and wishing you had hair like hers? Does your stylist ever discuss your colour with you, make a sideways face and suck through her teeth as she says “You have quite a lot of grey coming through …” in a cautionary tone?
I’ve got a little story for you, but first you should know a little background about my relationship with my own hair.
Melissa Hill, Founder of Stone Bridge Hair Accessories
If you’ve been following my blog, the StoneBridgeUK twitter, or my emails for a while, you will know that I’ve got curly grey hair. I love my hair, but I wasn’t always in this happy place.
And occasionally I have moments of self-doubt, where I wonder if maybe I should be colouring it.
Like a number of years ago when my second daughter, Pippi, started at a new primary school, in Year 2. A little girl from her class came up to me and asked, “Are you Pippi’s grandma?”
Surrounded by other school mums, many of them with coloured hair covering their grey, that comment did throw me.
More recently, a friend of mine and I had an evening out, just the two of us. As soon as my husband had dropped us off at the restaurant, she grabbed my arm and said, “Now Melissa, don’t get offended.”
“Okay,” I said, as it generally takes a lot to offend me.
It turned out that a man she’d started dating mentioned that he knew who I was.
I still to this day have no idea who this guy is, but he noted to my friend that “Melissa is very attractive but she’d look so much younger if she dyed her hair.”
Now, you can probably guess my reaction to that statement, but basically the polite version is why on earth would I want to look younger to please someone else’s partner?
So, what I’m saying is being my natural colour is no picnic. And I don’t go around thinking all women should become earth mothers and be 100% natural “just like me.”
What I do think is if you are irritated by the promises peddled by people trying to sell you “magic-in-a-bottle,” I’m here to tell you that there is another way. And there is no magic involved.
Its called working with what you’ve got.
Here’s a little story I heard recently from business writer Michael Port. It’s a story about life, really, but it might help you look at your hair in a different way, too. And maybe make you think about who’s advice you ought to consider when it comes to the day-to-day care of your hair.
The Man, The Boy and The Donkey
Once upon a time an old man, a little boy and their donkey were going to market.
They woke early in the morning, as they had a long way to go. The old man lifted the little boy up onto the donkey and they started off.
After about an hour, they passed a group of people who tutted at them and called out, “Shame on you! Look at you, you fit young boy. How can you be riding and letting that frail old man exhaust himself walking. Shame!”
The two considered this and agreed the people were right. It was shameful.
The little boy got down and the old man took his place on the donkey. And they carried on.
Soon they passed another group of people, who shook their heads at the travellers. They shouted out, “Shame! Look at you! You are a perfectly fit man, making that child walk when you can walk yourself. Shame on you!”
The two considered this and decided the people were right. What they were doing was terrible and should correct themselves straight away.
So the old man and the little boy decided that they would both walk beside the donkey. That would be the most fair. And they carried on their way.
Soon, they passed a group of farmers who saw the two travellers and burst out laughing.
“Ha ha!” they cried out. “Look at those two idiots! They have a fine donkey to carry them and they walk themselves to death. Are they crazy?”
Well, the little boy and the old man gave the farmers’ advice some thought. Who knows about working animals better than farmers? The didn’t want to look like fools. So the two figured they should take the expert opinion seriously.
After some discussion, they agreed the best way forward was for both of them to ride the donkey. And so they carried on their way.
Not long, they came across another group of people who gasped at the sight of the two riding the donkey.
“How monsterous!” They shouted at the little boy and the old man. “How dare you put such a heavy load on that animal? Shame!”
The little boy and the old man were shocked at what they had been doing. These people were so right! They were appalling, bad people. Why hadn’t they realised this before? They immediately got down from the donkey and agreed to carry the donkey together on their backs the rest of the way to market.
By this time, they were approaching the market town, but they had to cross a bridge over the river.
Suddenly, the little boy lost his grip on the donkey, which slid off their backs, into the river and drowned.
The moral of this story is: if you try to please everyone, you may as well kiss your ass goodbye.
How This Relates To Your Hair
Who would I be pleasing if I started colouring my hair?
My stylist? Certainly. I’d be cheering her up every six weeks.
The other mums at the school? They would possibly feel less anxiety about my behaviour if I just conformed and tried to look like everyone else my age.
Unknown men who think I would look younger if only …. I’m sure they might get some crumb of pleasure out of it, but I fail to see how I benefit from their (minutely) increased happiness.
My children? I’ve asked them and they are emphatic they don’t want me to dye my hair.
My husband? He is indifferent to what colour my hair is. He just likes it long, thank you very much.
My staff and colleagues? I’ve asked them and my hair is my signature. They consider it part of my “look.”
And finally, what about you, my customer? Well, the benefit you get from me being natural is that I – possibly uniquely of any other woman you know – can totally understand the benefits and difficulties of both scenarios.
So, I’ve taken my donkey to market, as it were, in my own way. And the prize for me is contentment with my appearance every day. Personally, it has been worth the struggle.
Did you find this article helpful? Learn more about how you can stop fighting your hair starting right now today, without buying anything.
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